~::Pennies of Thought::~

Hell's Lawyers

As I was saying, my dog has been hit with some kind of stomach flu or virus or something...he's been crapping arounf the clock and I have been his Crap O'Toilet Cleaner for the past two days. I called the Vet today because it's been way to long for anything simple. So I take him through the gates of Hell and finally arrive at entrance to the Hospital. And the first torturous punishment begins: the wait. After 30 minutes of waiting in an empty room, the "nurse" comes in and tells us to go to the 2nd room- and the waiting continues for another 30 minutes.

Finally the Doc comes in administers the 2nd punishment- molestation. He pokes and prods and then feels up my dogs manhood...and to add pain to insult, he sticks a thermometer up my baby's butthole. After all this, he tells us he needs an x-ray, blood test, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda...yadda. We wait another hour. The results are back. Blood test all normal, slighty high white cell count..everything seems ok...but wait...look at this part of the xray...yup...it looks like it...he seems to have something here [finger points to some weird circle shadow] that's enlarged....yeah...it could be prostate problems...most likely cancer.

[Doc pauses...and looks at me]

Trust me when I tell you, the only thing I thought about at the moment was to take that stupid pencil tucked behind his ears and draw Satan's horns on the xray and then stick the pencil up his own ass to see what his fucking temperature is. Most likely seeing the fire coming out of my eyes and steam coming out of my ears, he quickly adds the fact he's not positive. Says his xrays cannot be conclusive since it only provides shadows of organs...so my doggie needs a ultrasound.

Now, I might just take that pencil, break it in half, and crazy-glue them on opposite sides of his head because HE's satan. Might as well look like it. Face it, hospitals are the bargain tables for Hell. You walk in there thinking it is a winning battle, and you walk out of it deflated, defeated and mostly dead in the inside.

So I take his results, medicine for his diarrhea, pay up for Satan's magical work, and walk my dog home. Now I will spend the rest of this lovely lovely festive weekend forgetting everything that just happened. Afterall, denial is the work of angels.

posted by Claire @ 10:34 PM