Confused
A funny thing happened to me last week. I was walking out of the elevator when an annoying woman who was screaming into her cell phone decided to shove her way past me. She shoved the gentleman behind me so hard he knocked right into me and my left heel. It was then I experienced an incredibly “pause-worthy” moment. You know, those moments where if your life were a movie, they’d allow it to run once, pause-rewind and show it again—this time in slow motion. Yes, I went falling forward on my face. BUT--don’t you just love these buts?—the man behind me actually grabbed onto my purse and part of my jacket. A knight in a shining suit. We both chatted it up for a second regarding that *^@#( woman who knocked us down and didn’t even bother to apologize. Here comes the kicker. As I thank him again and turn to leave, he calls out, “Hey! Can I get your number?”
::Stunned::
It wasn’t so much because a complete stranger just asked me out. Or how unexpected that was. I was stunned because I felt nothing. When our eyes initially met entering the elevator, exchanging a moment of annoyance with the *^$* woman, to our final trading- I felt nothing. Not even a spark or flutter of possibility. And yet standing before me was a man who obviously thought otherwise. Did I miss the memo? What is happening to me?
Snowy day in March
So it's raining snow. Yes...raining snow. And it was just yesterday that we saw 70 degrees with clear blue skies. Something is seriously wrong with this planet. I'm going to go out of my sphere of comfort and bet we will see continuous days of 115 degrees come July. Hehe, I really do hope I am wrong.
Not much going on lately. Been really busy writing and writing and reading up on different things. Mortgage (new job!), missing children in Guiliani's family campaign photos, and reading up on all the failed attempts by the Democratic party to come up with a conclusive solution that doesn't sound like they were high off of funky mushrooms. I have always believed if this world would just be more tolerant of each other and learn forgiveness, peace would be inevitable.
March...whatever
Once again it seems like it has been a while since I've written here. I guess work- well, my previous work- had gotten a hold of my time and refused me refuge in it. I was up once again at the crack of dawn for the 4th day in a row with no hint of Sleep in the near minutes. I believe these nights of sleeplessness will follow me into the next few days. Another one of those...
These past few months have been especially hard for me. I have long believed that loss is a world that forces its recognition upon us. And once again I have been visited by it. It does not negotiate nor does it plan. Everything and everyone it has taken from me has been unexpected and forced. Grief is a ghost that haunts us. A familiar gesture, hairdo, phrase, place...scent. Losing someone you love means losing a world you once lived in. And you will spend years- a lifetime- finding a new home to call yours. These waking nights are usually a precursor to even harder nights ahead. I know I need help...but I also believe it is all in my head. If I believe I don't need you, will I eventually be OK?
I got into another one of those stupid discussions on religion yesterday. I was told my atheist nature doesn't allow me to believe in the better of people. I am cynical about much of life not because I don't believe in the existence of a higher being. I am cynical because everytime I do chose to believe, I am disappointed. I never impose my belief on others and yet, I am constantly criticized for not being who they are. All atheists believe in a god. The god that they deny exist. I am not atheist because I do not want to believe...but because I am not strong enough.
...B...I don't even know where you are buried...
